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Pilgrim

The good conservative - a parable


The homeless man sat by the road as he did every day, with his back resting against the wall of the building and his cardboard sign and cup ready for the loose change of passers-by.

 

A politician came walking down the street. When he saw the homeless man, he shook his head sadly.

 

“How terrible,” he said, mostly to himself, “that so many people like this man here can’t afford to put a roof over their heads. Something must be done.”

 

So, the politician went away and made a very moving speech about the plight of the homeless. He won the election and was given a large grant of taxpayer money to be spent of affordable housing. He paid most of the money to friends of his in the building trade, who had done him many favours in the past (after all, what’s wrong with doing a favour for a friend?) and his friends set to work building the houses.

 

Of course it wasn’t quite as simple as that. First there was the consenting process, which took a lot of money and time owing to regulations the politician had helped put in place. Then the materials had to be bought. They were expensive, because they too were covered by many regulations (for even affordable housing must comply with regulations). The design of the houses needed careful consideration as well because, as the politician often said, every new build must comply with all the regulations around sustainability, and energy efficiency to minimise the carbon footprint. All this added up to a great deal of money, and because money had to be saved somewhere, the politician bought the land as cheaply as he could.

What with one thing and another, the money didn’t go nearly as far as hoped. The few houses that were eventually built were so expensive only people of at least upper middle class could afford them. Then, because they had been built on cheap land where no one wanted to live, even those who could afford the houses didn’t want them. So, the houses stood empty until finally squatters broke in and ruined them.

The politician didn’t mind however, because by that time he had forgotten all about the affordable houses. He had retired from politics and taken an easy job in the United Nations (as many retired politicians do).

 

All that, however, was in the future. The homeless man watched the politician walk away cursing him under his breath because the politician hadn’t given him any money. Then he sat back against the wall to wait.

 

Soon a social worker came along. When she saw the homeless man, she was furious.

 

“It’s absolutely criminal,” she cried to the world in general, “how our society can just discard people like this. Here,” she reached into her purse and took out a ten dollar note, “take this, it’s not much but it’s the only cash I have.” Then she stormed off muttering “Something’s got to be done!”

 

She went straight home and set to work organising a petition to raise the minimum wage. She organised meetings and rallies, knocked on doors and spoke to all her friends. Her campaign was successful beyond expectations, and the minimum wage was duly raised.

As a result, small businesses saw their margins tightening. Many had to lay off their least skilled workers, and from those that remained, they demanded more: more qualifications, more productivity, more loyalty. To meet their increased costs, those businesses who were able to increase the prices of their goods and services did so. Those who could not increase their prices closed their doors. The men and women put out of work found jobs harder to come by. School leavers, with no work experience, found entry-level jobs especially scarce. They couldn’t get a job with no experience, and they couldn’t get experience without a job. As for working without pay just to gain experience, that was illegal.

The homeless man wasn’t affected by the increase in minimum wage since he didn’t have a job. Even if he had wanted a job, no one would have dreamt of giving him one, not even to sweep floors or clean toilets.

As for the social worker, she basked in the warm glow of knowing she had done good. All her friends said so. She was invited to all the best parties and much patted by everyone. If she had to put up with her friends complaining about how much a meal at a café or restaurant cost now, how you couldn’t get real service, how no one seemed to care about keeping their floors swept or their rubbish bins emptied and don’t let’s talk about the state of the rest rooms — well, that was a small price to pay.

 

The homeless man didn’t care about any of that. When the social worker had gone, he put her ten dollars together with the rest of the money he had collected that morning and bought himself a bottle of very cheap gin.

 

While he was drinking his gin, a conservative man came along. The conservative said nothing at first, he just stood for a long time looking down at the homeless man. Then he said, “Come with me.”

 

The homeless man got into the conservative’s car, and they drove to a large establishment on the edge of town. The conservative went to the receptionist and took out his credit card.

 

“Look after this man,” he said, “here’s a downpayment for the first month, then… well… we’ll see what to do next.”

 

Meantime the homeless man was sitting in one of the chairs looking idly about the reception. Abruptly he sat up straight.

“Wait a minute!” he said, “This isn’t a hotel.”

“No,” said the conservative, “it isn’t. It’s a drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre. As soon as we’ve got you clean and sober, we’ll see about finding you a job.”

 

Which one was a friend to the homeless man?

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